15th January 2011

O.k. so I went to the stable today. It was great to get out and see the horses, especially Maximool. I got a nice video of him and Baron having a play in the paddock biting each other in fun.  I was pleased to be home though as a headache started.

I received four letters when I got home...four!!! No one sends me letters, Agnieszka only got one from Postbank saying she can't have a bank account with them yet until she sends them a form back. They must have found some dodgy past credit or something. I on the other hand got a bank card and a credit card with my pin numbers and Internet banking set up. LOL. They obviously didn't check my credit rating too well ha ha ha.

Agnieszka made a lovely pork escallops and some kind of broccoli and spinach bakes. After that and being very full we even spent some time looking at German baby names. We will never settle on a name. This baby is destined to be called 'It'.  She liked Kay as a boys name (no chance) and Rita for a girl (never), and I liked Adolf for a laugh or Fernando for the Liverpool football connection. The only name we both liked was Charlie. I think we have about seven months to come up with something yet. We would both like something a little different, any suggestions then please let me know. I don't really want an English name. It might be nice to have a foreign name.

I finished my packet of cigs today and have stopped again. I say stopped, I'm still puffing on the ends in my ashtray which are all but gone now but I haven't bought any and am not intending on buying any.

14th January 2011

I think we have a break through!!! :-)

During the night I turned and put my arm around Agnieszka, completely by accident I might add, and after a few exchanged words (I vaguely remember her saying she's just stressed and us both saying we love each other), which were said whilst I was still half asleep. What ever happened, and for whatever reason and way it happened, it seems to have done the trick. Lets just hope it continues when she gets back from the stables today.

I got a letter printed out and ready to send to the tax office back in England this morning. They owe me big time!! I was on emergency tax for two and a half years before I moved over here and am still waiting for a nice amount of cash back.  I sent them all the paperwork they need at the end of October, just as I was moving here to Germany and presumed all would be sorted out and the money put into my bank account.  Not a sausage!!!!  It's very annoying because we really need that money now. I'm expecting about 2,000 pounds off them but to be honest I'd settle for 500 at the moment. Just give me my money!!!!!!!!!

I had a dream last night. One which has to be documented in case it comes true and everyone starts to think of me as the next Nostradamus and I become famous! Ok basically, I saw World War III. It was the world against Russia. I'm calling it a world war but I don't remember China getting involved. Basically Russia took over the whole of the middle east and all of Europe apart from France and England. America, Britain and, believe it or not, France, fought them back from the south of France. The allies then took southern Germany, Italy and all of the southern middle east back before doing a u turn and taking all the north back too. After taking every country back it was decided not to invade Russia but just pinned them back to their country for good.  There, I had to tell you that to guarantee my future fame and fortune. :-P

I found out prostitution is legal in Germany!! Shocked!! It is in Poland too apparently. I thought it was just Holland where it was legal. It was on a website I follow called local.de where they tell the German news in English. It's a great site that I look at every day. It was saying that prostitutes were branching out and starting to sell themselves as a kind of home service for old people who are just lonely and are willing to pay a prostitute just to visit them and sit and talk to them for a hour. What a great idea, good luck to them I say.

It seems Agnieszka hasn't got health insurance and so this baby could prove to be very expensive. We are looking around and trying to get insurance at the last minute to save on costs. Sussie rang one doctor for us and they wanted between 200 and 500 euros just for the first appointment!!! That is disgusting!! It's easy to take the health care for granted in England where everything is free. We may have found a solution but will have to wait and see.

Sussie was here again and everyone got on well today. We discussed getting me a job. One option was to just deliver junk mail or papers or something door to door for 600 euro per month. There were no positions available in this area though so back to square one. Then Agnieszka decided that me learning German was vital and a must so she called a friend who is a language teacher and asked if she could give me private lessons. We will wait to see what she says, failing that it looks like I might have to go on an intensive one month course for about 1000 euro. Whichever way I'm quite excited because I desperately want to speak the language.

Lots of other subjects came up such as getting a car next week, going on holiday in Croatia in May, Eileen's car breaking down and having to be sold for parts, oh and marriage!!! LOL LOL Agnieszka keeps mentioning us getting married. She can but try. Been there, done that and worn the tee shirt. I don't think I'll ever make the same mistake twice.

I had an email from my English contact lens company saying they are sending my prescription to my mums address to send on to me. Then I can order some online here in Germany and finally start getting out of the house every day :-).

I enjoyed today, everything is good again.

13th January 2011

She'd better start talking today because I don't know how much more I can take of this. The longer it goes on the harder it will be to put behind us. Agnieszka is clearly just as stubborn as I am. I will eventually back down and apologise if I am in the wrong though. I have yet to hear her back down or say sorry for anything. This WILL be the first time if she want's us to be a couple again.

I'm having to type this on my laptop with it's cracked screen. No internet obviously so I've opened Firefox and am typing it all under quick notes. I just hope its days rather than months before I ever get to add it to my Blog.  Having no internet might just be a good thing. Everything we seem to do revolves around the internet so once this petty arguement is over then maybe we can find some other hobbies together. It will also give me more time with my German lessons.  I use a great programme called Byke which is fantastic for learning German words but not for sentences. This is a great chance for me to really fill my head with tons more words over the next few weeks. I really need to crack this language and fast!!! A Job is crucial now.
Oooops, I tell a lie. I just found the internet dongle on the floor under the chair. I wonder if Agnieszka knew it was there or whether she thinks I'd taken it after her outburst last night? Oh well it's here now :-) 

I'm back again adding a little more. I'm probably boring you aren't I? Sorry but you are the only companion I have right now. My time with you in a morning is all I have to look forward to. I've just done something stupid which I may regret later. I went and bought more cigarettes, 19 for £3.49 (4.20 euro). I've been doing well considering all the stress lately but I have nothing else right now so I thought I'd treat myself and try to smoke some of this stress away. God I hope things are sorted out today. I have no idea what Agnieszkas been up to or what she's planning or thinking. We need to get her to a doctor and I don't know if she's planned it or not. I know she's been looking at cars and houses on the internet but thats about it. I want my Agnieszka back!!! :-(

Well nothing improved today. Infact it got worse. Do you know how the various governments have different levels of alerts for terrorist attacks? Well we are at  the critical stage with an attack being expected any time now!!  Silence all afternoon and then Sussie came and things happened. I took a bath and a walk to keep out of their way so they could talk. Whilst on my walk I think Sussie and Agnieszka had an arguement and Sussie was gone when I returned. Agnieszka had clearly been crying and she confronted me about what my plans were. A few unpleasantaries were shared before Aileen called. Agnieszka started ripping into her but then things seemed to calm down as they talked in the kitchen whilst I was in bed...at 8pm!! I heard Sussie call on the phone, Aileen went and after the call Agnieszka joined me in bed. 

Am I being unkind? Should I be more supportive because she's pregnant? Should I let her win this battle even though I feel she's been out of order? Should I stick to my guns and teach her that she can't treat me like this? All these questions were running through my head as I lay there trying to get to sleep. I wanted to hug her but didn't dare in case I was rejected.

12th January 2011

Well just when it couldnt get any worse it actually has. We spent the entire day just as we did yesterday without speaking. I tell a lie, Agnieszka did mutter a couple of words. I got a "hello" when she walked in from the stables and a "theres food in the kitchen if you want it". I didn't reply to either. I've had it with the small talk. There's food in the kitchen! She's even taken to eating in there alone now. I pretty much did without food yesterday, just grabbing a couple of couassants and some biscuits and today I managed a sandwich this afternoon and finished the biscuits. I didn't eat the food she made. The way I see it is she only made enough for me because that is how much she had to make, then she ate hers first before coming and telling me mine was there. It will have been cold by then and was still in the pan!!

So no. I am not budging today. same routine with me learning a few German words followed by an afternoon and evening of reading. I'm onto a John Grisham book now 'The Innocent Man'. It's a true story which surprised me. I've read the Firm and The Client by him. I enjoyed The Firm. It wasn't the kind of thing I'd usually read and the film was a let down but it was very well written. I waded through 179 pages today. I'm enjoying it under the circumstances.

Agnieszka finished the night with a tantrum. She was getting mad with the computer, I think because the internet wasn't working. I had my back to her and she started slamming it quite hard on top of the table. Something sounded as though it broke and fell on the floor and she stormed into the kitchen and had a good cry. I would find out tomorrow morning that it was the internet dongle that she'd broken. NO INTERNET!!!!! Well thats it. What the hell else have I got out here apart from my 3 hours on the internet in a morning?

Very early night. I think I was asleep by 9.30pm. Agnieszka was watching films...on the internetless laptop.

11th January 2011

Ggggrrrrhhhhh I'm so mad!!!! I have no events to tell you of today, no excitement. Just a day of being ignored after the pettiest of arguments last night.  This time its because she says I love the computer more than her!! LOL. SHE was on the computer not me. I asked if we could make the bed up so I could lie down and she had a mini outburst saying I was mad because she had the computer and then sulked into her side of the bed. Early night.

The last time I had a day like this was my birthday. Yes Agnieszka managed to ruin that for me too. Today turned into one of them days with Agnieszka coming home at 12, saying hello, me returning a hello and then silence for the rest of the day. I am bloody sick of it. This went on till bedtime and if its to be the same tomorrow then so be it, I am not backing down when I have done nothing wrong.

Ironically, who spent the day on the computer? Yes Agnieszka! I sat finishing my Anne Frank Diaries book. I read all day and my eyes really hurt by the time I got my head down.

Fingers crossed to a better day tomorrow and she sees sense because I can keep this up for the next 9 months if I really have to!! Gggrrrhhhh!!!!!!

10th January 2011

Well what a start to the day. I woke up this morning, went to blow my nose and blood was all over the place. Its because of the cold I've had which has almost gone now. I've just been blowing my nose so often and so hard that I'm causing nose bleeds now and again. Nothing to worry about but my sinuses are all over the place and quite sore at times. 

I went to the stables today which made a nice change. I think the fresh air did me good and helped to minimise my hangover. I met young Max who seemed like a nice lad. He usually works on Saturdays there but is there for a month through the week now as some kind of work placement from school. He's only 14 or 15.  We walked a few horses but couldn't have any of them in the paddocks because it was just too icy. Its a risk that can't be taken because just one slip and the horse could break down. I walked Fuxy (It's Swedish Streak really but we call him Fuxy as a nickname which means chestnut) and she was slipping all over the place and with every slip she panicked. No injuries though.  The ice is melting slowly and I'm surprised at how much snow has gone. The temperatures really are quite high for this time of year at about 8 degrees celcius. 

Agnieszka and me then went on to open a Post Bank account. My first German bank account!! I just had to sneak a video in the post office for this blog, it must have been the smallest post office in the entire world at about 10ft X 10ft. We think we are entitled to 75 euro each for opening the accounts which is a starter offer they were advertising which ends today. Fingers crossed for that.

We had a tidy up and a yummy tuna pasta before Iris and Pavel came for a drink this evening. Iris is German and Pavel is Czech, neither speak any English. I tell a lie, Pavel does know how to say 'suck my dick', but that's all. It was just a few drinks that's all. My only involvement in any conversation was when they were trying to get me to sell my sperm again. It ain't happening people!! LOL

Mist over the race course.


Pixie playing with Johnny the horses toy. She bit the handle off.

9th January 2011

I told Jenny and Katie the news today and they were both in shock. Now that close family know I don't see any reason not to tell everyone else. Having said that I haven't put it on Facebook yet. They can wait.

Agnieszka was suggesting that I join a sperm bank LOL. She wasn't joking either I don't think. She was looking on the internet and found one in Berlin where you go every 14 days for a year and they pay 110 euro per session!!! Good money but I can't see me tossing myself off in some seedy office with a German Razzle or Escort in front of me.

We set off to the football about a hour too early. I worked out all the train times wrong because the kick off was at 1.30pm but I'd forgotten it was 2.30pm in Berlin time. Anyway we found Belushi's Bar to watch the game. I can't say I was too impressed with the place. Come to think of it I wasn't impressed with the score, people in there or the rest of the day if I'm being honest. Liverpool lost 1-0 to a controversial penalty after just 1 minute. Steven Gerrard was sent off too which again was very very harsh. Liverpool played quite well and certainly deserved at least a draw. Agnieszka said 1-0 is a good score. How a 1-0 loss and being knocked out of the cup can ever be a good score I don't know. I think she was trying to make me feel better. One of the Man Utd fans asked me if I had a problem after I looked at him when he was slagging Liverpool off. That was the turning point for me. I saw red and just wanted to hit him after that. Agnieszka stopped me from starting anything though. I was the only Liverpool fan there. There were about 12 Man Utd fans around me, cockneys, Irish, southerners, but no one from Manchester.

After a bad journey home with me and Agnieszka arguing about the future and work which escalated into the house I was glad the day was over. I was getting fed up of the arguing and so took the sheepskin blanket and said I was sleeping in the kitchen. I woke up about 1am and sneaked back into bed because the heating had gone off and I was freezing and the tile floor is not the comfiest of mattresses.  This was just one of them bad days which could so easily have gone the other way. Roll on tomorrow!!!

Belushi's Bar

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