13th January 2011

She'd better start talking today because I don't know how much more I can take of this. The longer it goes on the harder it will be to put behind us. Agnieszka is clearly just as stubborn as I am. I will eventually back down and apologise if I am in the wrong though. I have yet to hear her back down or say sorry for anything. This WILL be the first time if she want's us to be a couple again.

I'm having to type this on my laptop with it's cracked screen. No internet obviously so I've opened Firefox and am typing it all under quick notes. I just hope its days rather than months before I ever get to add it to my Blog.  Having no internet might just be a good thing. Everything we seem to do revolves around the internet so once this petty arguement is over then maybe we can find some other hobbies together. It will also give me more time with my German lessons.  I use a great programme called Byke which is fantastic for learning German words but not for sentences. This is a great chance for me to really fill my head with tons more words over the next few weeks. I really need to crack this language and fast!!! A Job is crucial now.
Oooops, I tell a lie. I just found the internet dongle on the floor under the chair. I wonder if Agnieszka knew it was there or whether she thinks I'd taken it after her outburst last night? Oh well it's here now :-) 

I'm back again adding a little more. I'm probably boring you aren't I? Sorry but you are the only companion I have right now. My time with you in a morning is all I have to look forward to. I've just done something stupid which I may regret later. I went and bought more cigarettes, 19 for £3.49 (4.20 euro). I've been doing well considering all the stress lately but I have nothing else right now so I thought I'd treat myself and try to smoke some of this stress away. God I hope things are sorted out today. I have no idea what Agnieszkas been up to or what she's planning or thinking. We need to get her to a doctor and I don't know if she's planned it or not. I know she's been looking at cars and houses on the internet but thats about it. I want my Agnieszka back!!! :-(

Well nothing improved today. Infact it got worse. Do you know how the various governments have different levels of alerts for terrorist attacks? Well we are at  the critical stage with an attack being expected any time now!!  Silence all afternoon and then Sussie came and things happened. I took a bath and a walk to keep out of their way so they could talk. Whilst on my walk I think Sussie and Agnieszka had an arguement and Sussie was gone when I returned. Agnieszka had clearly been crying and she confronted me about what my plans were. A few unpleasantaries were shared before Aileen called. Agnieszka started ripping into her but then things seemed to calm down as they talked in the kitchen whilst I was in bed...at 8pm!! I heard Sussie call on the phone, Aileen went and after the call Agnieszka joined me in bed. 

Am I being unkind? Should I be more supportive because she's pregnant? Should I let her win this battle even though I feel she's been out of order? Should I stick to my guns and teach her that she can't treat me like this? All these questions were running through my head as I lay there trying to get to sleep. I wanted to hug her but didn't dare in case I was rejected.

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